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| Christmas Morning 2012 |
So many of you asked about the kids and I and our Holiday. So many were thinking of us, sent special notes in cards and went the extra step with kindness and concern and Prayers. Thank You!!!
We did not know what to expect. Well, actually, we expected Christmas to be difficult. But, I don't think any of us expected it to be quite as difficult as it was. With more than 6 months passed and quickly approaching 7, we all felt like we are doing quite good. And then, bam! Well, we got through it and for that I am grateful! If this were a test, all I can say is that we passed. Not with flying colors and maybe just barely but, we got through it.
I think that a lot all came together at once. To celebrate Christmas for the first time (for me) in 33 years without Jeff was hard. For the kids too! To put presents under the tree and fill stockings alone was very hard! Also, just days before Christmas, I learned of yet another friend/former neighbors passing, also at the hands of cancer. This along with knowing of several others in the hospital, all in extremely serious condition and, knowing how their families were too struggling to find a way to be celebratory at what should and usually is one of the happiest times of the year for most of us and was just beyond difficult for them, really brought me down. My heart was breaking for so many! All of this came together to once again highlight how fragile life is! How all we know and love can change or be taken away in an instant! (like I actually forgot that lesson!) This, along with some extended family dynamics and changes all came together and I allowed the stress of those situations on top of what was likely going to be a very rough Christmas anyway, to cause some physical symptoms. Two relatives chose not to attend the Christmas Day gathering and that saddened the kids and myself greatly! The only gift I wanted was the gift of spending time together, the best gift of all! Peace on Earth and goodwill etc, lol! The lesson I must learn (so I have been told!) is that I will never be able to please everyone. That's a hard one but, for my sake and my kids, it's a lesson I may have to finally learn.
Christmas eve, for me, was the most difficult! Christmas Day proved to be better, thankfully! The kids and I gathered on Christmas eve and watched Jeff's favorite Christmas movie (National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation). Drew and Bri both spent the night at the house and Chase returned later on Christmas morning for gifts and brunch. Later that afternoon, most of the rellies showed up to spend some time together. I very much enjoyed the time spent together with all those who did come over! The kids said the same thing. I know it was difficult for a few, for various reasons, and I am so glad they chose to be a part of the day! The support that their presence showed for the kids and I is something we are all grateful for!
We did do some special things too. I had purchased a Memory Candle just before Thanksgiving and we lit it for Thanksgiving as well as Christmas eve and Christmas day.
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| "In Memory of a Life so beautifully lived, |
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| a Heart so deeply Loved." |
I also made an ornament with our motto on it and a friend gave us a very special ornament too!
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| Make Every Moment Count! |
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| So Sweet! |
Some new traditions have begun, some old have been left behind. As the kids get older and have BF's and GF's families to spend time with, I can see that future Christmases will also be evolving to allow them time for that. That may mean more new traditions and more changes. I don't know what next year will bring but I do know we will be stronger than ever and get through it. Together!
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| Gift to the kids |
As I sit here, on the first day of a New Year, I can't help but reflect back on 2012. Jeff and I started the year with so much hope. One must have hope! The year also began with several losses. By years end, I had lost 1 husband (and best friend), 2 grandmothers (mine and Jeff's), and 5 friends! With so many others struggling with health issues, some fighting for their lives, I can honestly say I 2012 was a difficult year! We also have begun learning how to celebrate events without Jeff (tho he is always on our minds and in our hearts!). We have made it through Father's Day, our anniversary, Jeff's Birthday and all 3 kids Birthdays, Thanksgiving, 1 college graduation, Christmas and now begin a New Year. We have made it through 6 months (seven in a few days) and that fact alone is mind boggling to me! There were also many wonderful moments and memories form the year, many of which I have written about and all of which I am very grateful for! My Hope and Prayer, is that 2013 be a kinder and gentler year! For myself and my kids and for the so many others who were dealt losses and severe difficulties in 2012.
In the book I have been reading, Healing After Loss , contained in the entry for Dec. 31 is the quote "It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness." Christmas Eve, I felt I could only curse the darkness. That is no way to honor the memory of those we have loved and lost. That is not normaI behavior for me .I have found, and re lit the candle and will try and keep it lit moving into 2013 as a way to honor Jeff!
Happy New Year to all! May you all "Make every moment count!"
and...
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| New Years Pomosa |
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