"Memories", an update as requested:)

Flowers and photos on table at Jeff's "Celebration Of Life"

 "Re-run" Warning:

This post is an update of sorts but also a re cap and includes a "re-run".  

Many kind friends have commented to me that they thought the service we held for Jeff in our back yard was the perfect tribute for Jeff:)  More than a few people, who were not able to attend have said that they wished they could have been here.  They have heard about it from others etc.   Several mentioned that they wished they could have heard what I, the kids, and the others who spoke said.  While I can't re cap what each person said and do them all justice, I did , while recently "cleaning" out some computer files, run into my "Cliff Notes" version of what I wanted to say.  I had "Bullet points" of what I wanted to say and have tried my best to fill in the paragraphs from my memory.

Weeping Cherry tree

I also wanted to share a pic of the tree that my Aunties, Uncle and Gram purchased for us in Jeff's memory so you can see how its doing:)   At the base of the tree is a "rock" that a dozen or so co workers of Jeff's (they all left the company many years ago and are all employed  now at another company)  left at the house with a beautiful card, surprising me one night when I got home from work.  I had been looking for something special to place at the base of the tree and hadn't found it.  This was perfect!  (So thoughtful of these guys, it really touched my heart!)  2 Hummingbirds have taken a liking to this tree and frequently rest on it's branches!  It is so rare to see a hummingbird ever stop, even briefly and I have watched this pair rest in this tree for several minutes at a time!

Perfectly said!

Here is what I had said:

     I spent a lot of time this week thinking about what I would say today.  What could I say that I haven’t already shared in a Care Page?  What could I tell you that you don’t already know?  I could say that Jeff was a hard worker.  But you already know that!  Jeff worked hard at work and just as hard at home. I will never be able to do Jeff justice, to be able to accurately convey just how hard Jeff worked at trying to get well and always with a great attitude and a sense of humor!

     Early on our motto became, “Make Every Moment Count!”  We didn’t mean the well planned out, big production moments.  We meant the little things, finding happiness wherever you can.  Stopping to “smell the roses.”  Than kind of thing.  We had often said, the time we spent in AA was one of the best times we ever had.  I know, that sounds crazy but, we spent so much meaningful time together!  We walked every day. Explored the area.  Just enjoyed each others company. Most recently, we really enjoyed the time Jeff spent at The Inn.  Yes, he was struggling a lot but, we really did enjoy our time there, the people we met, making new friends and joking around with the therapists!  We really did Make Every Moment Count no matter where we were or what the circumstances were.

     I could say that Jeff was loyal and devoted.  As a husband, a father and an employee. A bit of a perfectionist (ok, more than a bit!),  fiercely independent  and protective.  But again, most of you knew that too.  I could also tell you that Jeff had a great, tho sometimes odd, sense of humor that served him well even on his last day with us!  There were many moments that I recall and I’m sure many of Jeff’s co workers have stories about the practical jokes.

     Jeff was also stubborn, but, only when it really mattered.  Many a Dr. had told us that they believed that trait had served him very over the last 2 ½ years!

Something that may surprise you was that Jeff was very thoughtful and sensitive and caring!  This wasn’t a side that he allowed many to see.  He liked to appear tough but there was another side, he had a tender heart!  I think Bri will share a sweet *story that all the kids have mentioned this week and a great memory!  As for me, here is just one example of how thoughtful he was.  This happened more times than I can count over the years.  More mornings than I can count, Jeff would call me after he knew I was awake and let me know of some "trouble".  A traffic light out, water over the road, a tree down, icy spots etc.  He just wanted to warn me and tell me to be careful:)   Yes, he was sweet, the secret is out!

     Jeff and I met and married young by today’s standards. He was my soul mate!  We were so lucky!  He put up with my eccentricities (that’s a nice way of saying “weirdness”).  When I wanted to wear a women’s tux to my senior prom instead of a frou frou dress he simply said, “great, what I am wearing?”  (he also wore a tux). I’m sure what he was really thinking was “what I am getting into?!?”  But, he was always supportive.  Of me, of the kids, whatever!  I’m not positive but, I think I can only recall Jeff in a tie a few times.  My prom, our wedding and when he was in a friend’s wedding.  Jeff would be so happy to see the lack of ties here today!

     Jeff’s dream house was this house.  I supported that dream all the way.  We always said, “We don’t need a cottage to get away to when we live in our own paradise!”  Jeff loved to keep busy here, to always have a project.  He loved working on the house and yard.  In his woodworking shop or down at the wood pile. Again, he would love that we are doing this here, his favorite place to be!

     The kids and I chose this weekend, Father’s Day weekend, on purpose.  Jeff always planned a big Father’s Day BBQ.  He planned months in advance what meat to smoke, what rub, mop and injection to use and made them all himself and even what wood to use!  Then he planned the side dishes. He loved it! To honor Jeff, we chose Father’s Day weekend to celebrate his life and legacy doing one of his favorite things in his favorite place!  Hog Wild BBQ generously donated the meat for today and tho the boys wanted to smoke it in Jeff’s smoker, I felt it might be too much.  Instead, I mixed up a huge batch of one of Jeff’s favorite rubs for Chase to use and he smoked it at HW.  The pork you eat today is Jeff’s recipe just like it was 2 years ago at his going away partyJ  One last story I’d like to share:   I went in search of the rub recipe that Jeff loved to use.  I thought I knew which of his cookbooks it was in.  When I picked up that cookbook, I held it in my hands and let it fall open to a page near the back. (All good cookbooks fall open to the most used, well loved recipes!)  Not the page I was looking for.  I shifted my hands and it fell open to a page more near to the front.  As it fell open, I spotted a small piece of paper.  This piece of paper was actually a card that Bri had made, many, many years ago!  On the front it says "Happy Fathers Day Dad" and on the inside, with a big red heart, it says "From Briana".  How appropriate that I would find a Father's Day card tucked into Jeff's cookbook as I looked for a recipe for Father's Day weekend!   I told you he was sweet &sentimental! And, I felt like Jeff had just put his arm around me and gave us his Blessing, his approval of this day and what the kids and I planned!    We know how much he would have enjoyed this and what better way to end this journey than the way began it 2 summers ago.  With a big celebration of friends and family gathering in support to enjoy each others company!

Thank you all for your love, Prayers and support!  It meant everything to Jeff and our family!  He was constantly amazed by how many cared about him! Constantly amazed!

Thank you for helping us to celebrate the wonderful man Jeff was.

And please, 

Make Every Moment Count!

Bri's card to dad:)

* Bri shared a story that all the kids had mentioned as being special to them:

Every morning after Jeff had showered and packed his lunch, he would climb the stairs to the kids rooms and check on them.  Cover them back up, pick up something that had fallen out of bed and then give them each a kiss goodbye:)  He did this every morning that he worked from the time they were born until they left for college!  Bri sometimes woke up and went downstairs where Jeff would let her "help" pack his lunch even letting her choose an apple from the fruit bowl to put in his lunchbox.  She felt so special:)  This small daily act really meant a lot to the kids and clearly has impacted them greatly!

These are just a few of our memories from Jeff's "Celebration of Life" service.  That day was very special to me.  Jeff was very special to me.

     As we move into shorter and cooler days, I find myself not looking forward to autumn as much as I have in the past.  Fall has always been my favorite season but I find myself wishing it would stay summer for a bit longer yet.    It has occurred to me that,   maybe my mind realizes that if the seasons change,  time is indeed moving forward in a very tangible way.  Moving forward without Jeff by my side.  It easy to be fooled, when the weather remains the same, day to day, that time is standing still to some extent.  This morning, after writing this but before posting, I read the following in a "day book" called "Healing after Loss":  "The ups and downs of "inner weather" are part of my healing." How appropriate to read this after puzzling over this seasonal dilemma all week long!  And maybe, what I do not want (seasons to change and time to move forward) is exactly the thing I need most?  Jeff may not be by my side but remains very much in my heart and will be no matter the season!

     My schedule is changing slightly at work starting near the end of August (a few more hours, yay!) and we will soon be involved in our busiest season there!  The boys and I are trying to plan a "day adventure" for late Sept. or Oct.  and I continue with projects at the house, sometimes with Chase's help, Thanks Chase!  I have some decisions to make yet (Jeff's truck, my SUV and some "banking stuff") and would like to accomplish a few things that Jeff wanted to do.  He wanted a new front door and even has the money set aside.  We had looked a bit together but, never found what we wanted so, I may continue that quest.  Bri and I visited the "Mystery spot" he had long ago written directions to and I have another idea I may try and do that he had wanted to.  And so, staying busy helps!   Contained in that same passage as mentioned above; "moving on in some productive activity-or some nonproductive activity, for one doesn't always have to be productive!", I have been taking the time to enjoy a cup of coffee or lunch with friends and am so very grateful for those friends!!!   (and that, in and of itself, is a productive activity on some level I believe!)  Thank you dear friends for you support, kindness and helping me "Make every moment count!"

(((Hugs)))

  Brenda

Wonderful Wine Weekend

What a week it was leading up to our weekend get away!  Between my SUV giving me (and Chase) a few fits, finding out my gram had cancer and working; I wasn't sure we would even be able to go!   Somehow, things worked out as they always seem to have a tendency to and I was able to get packed at the "final hour!"  

Bri and I both worked Thursday and planned on leaving after that.  We hit the road around 7:40pm, made a quick stop in Grandville and then pointed the SUV north!  I am always happy heading north, always have been!  We made a pit stop for "fuel" (Caffeine) at McDonalds just north of Grand Rapids, cranked the radio and drank and sang:)  The trip went well; we stopped at the last rest stop on a civilized highway a bit after 10 and soon after plunged into both darkness and some considerably less traveled roads.  Let me just say here and now, "I love GPS!"   I would also like to petition to have one road re named to the more accurate name of "Roller Coaster Road!"  That road twisted and turned and went up and down as much as any very good roller coaster!  The only thing it didn't do was turn you upside down.  Oh, wait!  It did turn a car on it's side!  We came up over a hill and around a curve to be greeted by the flashing lights of a patrol car and just in time to see the tow truck pull up.  Seems the car, coming from the opposite direction, failed to negotiate the curve, crossed my lane and went off the road into the trees somehow ending up on it's side!  Yikes!  Good thing we stopped at that rest stop and didn't come around that curve 10 minutes earlier!!!  We arrived at the condo we had been lent around 11:30.  The condo was so amazing!  What fun!   We chose a room, plopped our stuff down, unpacked the cooler into the fridge and then proceeded to have a proper and fitting start to our wine weekend with a bottle that my dad and step mom had given to us before we left.  Then, zzzzz!

Friday morning dawned a bit overcast and soon turned drizzly.  That would not dampen our spirits and besides, we had more coffee:)   

                                                 Morning coffee in the condo:)

We also had a "Driver" for the day.  Yes, we were spoiled!  Kathy from Traverse City Tours (I would highly recommend her and her company!) picked us up at our door around 10:45 and off we went.  Turns out, Kathy has friends and family in the Holland and Grand Haven area and she is no more shy than Bri and I so we all got along famously and had a wonderful day with no shortage of topics to discuss! 

                                                           Bri and I with Kathy

 Kathy headed into the Old Mission peninsula and was a wealth of knowledge on both the Vineyards and their history as well as landmarks etc.  She drove us to 6 out of the 7 stops we had hoped to make (5 is average) and dropped us off and picked us up at the door each time.  Drizzle?  No problem!  Peeks of sunshine interrupted the drizzle periodically and eventually the sun came out for good.  Oh, such Beautiful places we visited!!!  We learned so much, it really was an educational trip!  Really!  

                             I fell in Love with the charming beauty of Bowers Harbor!

 We even got to take a tour at Chateau Grand Traverse, starting at the point outside where the grapes come to the facility straight from the fields across the parking lot.  We got to go inside (tho they would not allow photos) and walk through the entire process ending with bottling and corking.  Fascinating!  Kathy dropped us back at the condo at 4:15.  We unpacked our "loot" and Bri went to the pool before we left again.  We headed into the "business district" of Elk Rapids and walked and poked around a bit before heading off to Pearls; the restaurant to which we had been given a gift certificate for dinner.  Oh my, what a fun place with excellent food!  (We did not order wine however, kind of had enough for one day!)

                                     Is it bad when your beverage looks back at you???

By now, we were exhausted and sleep was sounding wonderful!

Sat. morning we hit the road earlier and drove ourselves on a gloriously sunny day  with a brilliant blue sky, a light breeze and a few puffy clouds, up into the Leelanau peninsula.  Oh so gorgeous!

By mid afternoon we headed back into the Old Mission Peninsula to go to Chateau Chantal, a must see we had been told and it was the one we missed the day before.  I must say, it had the most beautiful panoramic views tho I favored the smaller Bowers Harbor for it's beauty and sweet dogs.  I would add that it would be hard to pick one favorite for one reason.  They each had something special!  Next stop, the Old Insane Asylum:)   We headed into Traverse City to find this location and our last winery/tasting room for the day; Left Foot Charley's.  What a day!  After skipping lunch 2 days in a row (who wants to take time out to eat when there is so much to see and do?!?!) we went in search of food.  Gluten Free food.  Thanks to a great app on my phone, we were led to another wonderful restaurant and it turns out it is a "sister" restaurant to Pearls:)  Fortified by food, we went into downtown Traverse City and browsed among the crowds and then left for "home", stopping at a grocery store for a few goodies.  Back at the condo and after Bri managed to push all the right buttons in some mystical and magical combination, we watched the DVD I brought, My favorite movie, Somewhere In Time.  Such a great movie!  Then, bed time. 

Sunday morning Bri found her way back to the pool while I cleaned up and packed up.  On the road by noon and in need of gas, we stopped in TC and then headed west towards Sleeping Bear Dunes.  We found the visitor center and then needed to choose a trail to hike.  Bri had done this before so that was some help:)  What a beautiful area!  I quickly decided that just a few hours there would not be nearly enough and am already dreaming of when I can go back and spend more time there, hiking and exploring!

                                            Hiking at Sleeping Bear Dunes

After hiking, we sadly admitted it was time to head back towards our reality and the real world.  I think we may have been getting tired too.  If you haven't noticed, I don't relax too well and when I go somewhere I want to see everything and do everything!  No time to relax!  We had decided to take the "scenic route" home and even at times ignored the GPS  concluding that as long as we had the lake in sight to the west and we were headed south, we'd get home at some point:)   

And then, I remembered!  A little piece of paper, tucked away in a cubby in my SUV.  Written by and placed there by Jeff quite a few years ago.  A cryptic note containing directions like, "just after the scenic turnout, turn on Joyfiield road and drive maybe 5 ish miles til you see a small white church on the south west corner.  Turn south.  There will be a couple of hills, if you get to the curve you are too far!"  Well, it seems we were both up to one more adventure even if we didn't know what it was!  And so, off we went.  Well, finding it wasn't all that difficult as it turns out.  Knowing why we were there, well that was the mystery.  Nothing but trees and an run down orchard.  I'm pretty sure that's not what he wanted to see.  Our only clue; Jeff had written on the bottom of the paper, "bring a level."  oookaaay?  Well, this being the age of technology and great cell phones, we parked on the side of the road, got out and started googling!  Now, let me say, we were not the only ones there!  Another couple in a truck, looking slightly sheepish was there when we arrived.  2 more cars passed us, turned around and did it again while we were "researching".  Then we hit pay dirt!  Turns out, we were at a spot thought to be a "Gravity Hill".  We did "play" around with this, SUV in neutral, going in both directions as did yet another vehicle at about this time.  We laughed, rolled down our windows and had a chat right there on the road.  Fun adventures:)  I'm not even going to try and explain a "Gravity Hill", just google it if you're interested.   Or, better yet, take a drive one day:)   BTW, we did not have a level but, there is a app for that too!

We headed back south, taking time to stop at the Scenic Turnout and climbed (I actually ran 3/4 of the way!) up the 124 steps to the top.  (My knees protested vehemently!)

                                          At the very top of the Arcadia Scenic Turnout!

Now in need of nourishment after skipping lunch for the 3rd day and all of our exertion, we once again used my handy app for  GF food and found a Mancino's not too far away.  After food, coffee was the next important requirement and lacking any Starbucks within a 75 mile radius (what do these people do???) we found a McDonalds  (I do like their coffee too!) and then started on the last leg of our Wonderful Wine Weekend!

We made it home by about 7:30, almost exactly 3 full days from when we left.  We were tired but, we had so much fun!  We learned so much also.  About wine, vineyards and even the process of making wine.  But we learned other things too.  Always trust "Gertie" (my GPS) and I do!  We learned that Bri and are are adventurous, love to learn and don't mind not knowing what's around the next corner!  And, we certainly indulged in our motto; "Make Every Moment Count!"

A HUGE Thank You to our co-workers and friends who put this together for us; you are amazing!  We can never Thank you all enough for this amazing gift!

{{{Hugs}}}

 Brenda

P.S.  So many pictures, could not possibly put them all here!  Nearly 120 I think.  Check out my Facebook, go to photos and click on the Wonderful Wine Weekend album to see more if you'd like:)

A Day to Remember

August 4.  A day to remember.  For so many reasons!
First, August 4 would have been Jeff's 52nd Birthday.  I was not dreading the day, I just didn't know what to expect.  I know what I have read and what I have been told but, everyone is different.  Also, we experienced some "firsts"  so soon (Father's Day and our Anniversary)  that I think maybe that helped us some. The kids and I all worked and stayed busy during the day.  For me, staying busy and having projects (there are many around here, especially in the summer!) helps! We had planned to get together in the evening after everyone was done working and celebrate Jeff.  We ate cheesecake (always Jeff's choice for a Birthday cake!) and toasted Jeff's life and Heaven's gain! 

 

We also spent some time reading "Jeff's Rocks".  (Thank you to everyone who contributed a rock to the jar, it is truly one of my favorite things! 

We also shared a toast for my Gramma Lou.  The kids Great Gram!  She was great:)  Gramma Lou passed away Sat. afternoon after a short battle with leukemia.  So many have remarked to me how wonderful it was that I (at 50 years old!) still had a gram!  Believe me, I know that I and the kids were lucky!  I am so happy that Gram was able to live on her own, in her house and drive and be so independent all her life!   She was a wonderful lady!  I will always remember spending the night with gram; we would play cards and sometimes had the TV on, usually if All in the Family was on, lol!  Gram almost always had the windows open and to this day I have a bedroom window open, even if just a crack (and yes, even if the AC is on and often in the winter too) so I can wake up to the birds singing as I did at her house.  I also woke up to Gram whistling every morning:)  At Gram's house, at least back then, the mail came in the morning.  Grams lived on a bit of a hill (it probably seemed really big to me back then!) and I remember the day she finally let me go get her mail all by myself!  That was a big deal!

This pic was taken 2 years ago at Christmas, she was 87 1/2 and looked great!

This morning I was reading with my morning coffee on the back deck (and listening to the birds and the lake) and these words struck me:  "The greatest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude."  That seems so appropriate!  I am so grateful to Jeff and Gram for so much and so I (try) and move forward focusing on all that we had with them and all that we learned from them.  They will  always be in our hearts and the memories that we hold dear will always be a part of us!

And so, August 4th was a difficult day, for more reasons than I anticipated but not at the end of the day, surrounded by the kids and fur kids and grand doggies and kitties with Hillary acting as our photographer,  and sharing memories and cheesecake and a toast to 2 very special people, I would say we all made it through as well as we could have "Making Every Moment Count!"


(((Hugs)))
 Brenda