So many friends have asked "so, how was it?" Meaning of course, "The Day." June 7. For me, it was a day of memories. Actually, as we near the end of June, I realized I have been immersed in memories. I realized that I have spent a lot of time "reflecting."
June was the month Jeff and I met (a blind date believe it or not!). We were married in June and, Jeff passed away in June. Yes, there are a lot of memories tied up in June.
First date. First kiss. Wedding. Anniversaries. Anniversary dinners. Going to the Parade of Homes together. The anniversary dinner when I was hugely pregnant with the twins that the Doctor hadn't yet discovered (despite my telling him otherwise!). Father's Day, Jeff's "Big Event!" I remember going to the Saginaw 7 Eleven Soccer Tournament every June with all the kids, often celebrating our anniversary that weekend. Really, these are the things, the events occupying my mind so much more than his passing. I had 33 years of making June memories with Jeff so it makes sense to me that I am reflecting on those memories more than one evening last June.
Yes, I did have a lot of memories of June 7th as well. as well. How could I not? But mostly I remember all those other, wonderful, previous years!
This June would have been our 32 wedding anniversary. Of course I thought of our wedding day.
The end of June will bring the "anniversary" of our first date. Lots of memories. Good, happy, sweet, funny memories! I got a little misty missing Jeff on the morning of what would have been our anniversary but otherwise, just reflecting with a smile :)
As I sat on the deck one evening, listening to so many different birds singing and the momma and papa bird feeding their babies in the birdhouse on the deck, I felt very Blessed! We have had birds in that house every single year since I put it up. Probably at least 20 years! We loved that we could count on that each year! It made me realize, much has changed and yet many things are the same. "Constant." One night on my way home from work I made a quick stop at the store to pick up some last minute produce for guests this weekend. I ran into an old friend and it was so nice chatting! Bri and I kicked off the arrival of summer with our girls wine/deck night. Some newer friends, some longtime friends and some "Forever" friends (friends from high school!) all came over. Friends; another "constant." Next month I will having a "reunion" of friends from elementary school over. (We may be the only elementary school that continues to get together, lol!) Yes, I am feeling very Blessed!
Recently, a friend lamented, in a good natured sort of a way, her upcoming not quite mid thirty something birthday. I simply commented that she would not suddenly be 1 year older on that day; but simply 1 day older than the previous day. I have always felt that way! Every morning we are Blessed enough to wake up, I would consider a very good day! Every day that I am able to "reflect" and have those reflections make me smile and fill me with joy and comfort instead of eliciting tears, I would consider a very good day. Every day that we are given the opportunity to "Make every moment count" is a very good day.
So, as we close out June, my month of "reflection" and move into July, this will be my Prayer:
Dear God,
Please help me to embrace the changes you plan for for me in my life with a positive attitude. Please allow me to feel the Blessing and comfort of the "Constants" you have given me and, please help me to continue to "Make every moment count!"
Amen
There have been many changes this year and the kids have all had some big changes in their lives! Many have been asking about the kids lately so, I will put together an update on all the changes happening in their lives very soon. Until then...
"Make every moment count!"
(((Hugs)))
Brenda
1 year. It seems like it has flown by and yet been forever.
I've been trying not to get to caught up in "dates" but, one year is a date that can not, and should not be ignored. I feel the need to take some time and reflect, to honor Jeff with our thoughts and memories :)
The "moments" are not as intense and are becoming less frequent but, they still happen. Its ok. Its all part of the process. Feeling is living. If I didn't feel, i would only be existing, not living. We must live. We must feel. We must go on. We know that is what Jeff would have wanted. Is that easy? No! But, as the sign I once made for Jeff says, "nothing worth having comes easy!"
I still miss Jeff like crazy but the difference I think is that missing used to hurt so much and though I still miss him each and every day, it doesn't hurt like it did before. Now I am able to miss him and remember with more smiles and fewer tears. Gods healing grace at work!
Life is very different for me now. Different doesn't have to be bad, its just, well, changed. for me. The last 30+ years were done as a partnership. Jeff and I made decisions together, did yard work together, parented together, cooked together, and more. It was a good, healthy, happy, loving partnership. Now, I make all those decisions on my own. Mostly anyway. If it is something about the yard, I may get Chase's input since he helps me in that area. And, I ask advice occasionally, but, ultimately, the decisions are mine alone to make. Mostly, I'm ok with this, not such a big deal. It's just different.
Even though our children are now all young adults, I still miss having a parenting partner! Someone to balance me. Someone to bounce ideas off of or share worries with. Yes, I miss that! I enjoy cooking and I am getting decent at grilling (that was Jeff's speciality!) but we frequently cooked together and i miss that. It was a nice activity each evening, a nice time of togetherness. On the other hand, now I eat only what I want and when I want. If I want fish and rice 3 times a week, its all good. And, I don't miss pot roasts! I really miss watching the news together and discussing it. I really really miss coming home and each talking about our day. Good things, funny things, rough things. Recently, I had a very difficult end to my day at work with a customer who (and i don't say this often or lightly) was rude, mean and demanding beyond reason. Other customers were shaking their heads in sympathy. If was a rare moment to be sure. I really let it get to me and really missed having someone to come home,and share this with. I miss hearing Jeff's funny stories and hearing of the practical jokes that went on at work. A few weeks later, as I got some surprising and good news, my first thought was, I cant wait to tell Jeff. Yes, that still happens. I really miss the sharing.
I keep busy! keeping busy is good for me and, I truly enjoy my jobs! A bonus and a Blessing! Add in the chores and errands and yard work and I keep very busy. One thing I have made time for this year is a book club and I am so glad! This is a great group of women (including our daughters) and we all have a wonderful,time! The laughter, discussions, support, friendship and camaraderie make this a not to be missed event in any month ! Better than therapy, LOL!
I have found myself falling into a new routine as well. I try and cook on Sunday and Monday (my days off) and plan leftovers from those meals to get me through at least Wed.,if not Thur. I don't get home from work most nights till at least 6:30 or later so ready to reheat/healthy meals are a must. I am able, for the first time since I cant remember when, to sleep till nearly 7am each day. This is good because, I have also become a bit more of a night owl staying up past midnight reading nearly every night! With Jeff's work schedule and the kids school schedule, I never would have done that! Now, my reading time late at night is something I look forward to each day!
So many things have changed. This is not where I envisioned I would be today if I had been asked 5 years ago. (and who among us would?) So many lessons learned. Accept help with a grateful heart. Every day is a gift, embrace it and find the joy in it. Balance in life is important. Live life, don't just exist. Move forward in a positive manner. Make every moment count!
I find my balance with a walk or hike. Dinner or coffee with a friend. Reading, a lot of reading! Blogging. Trying to make the best of what life has handed me. Trying to help others when I am able. Trying to learn how to grieve and yet live all at the same time. Trying to live in the present and move into our futures while honoring our past. Trying to appreciate and be grateful for all I do have.Trying to make every moment count. Sometimes I fail. Sometimes I fall. Sometimes I just have a difficult day. But, each morning I wake up is a good day. Each morning God grants me is a gift. A gift to try again. To do better.
Thank you to everyone who has helped us in some way to get through the challenges of this past year! For the phone calls, e mails, cards, texts etc! For dinner invitations, coffee breaks, book club, walks and all that! For the emotional support and physical help! For the kind words, good thoughts and Prayers! For not forgetting us! For being our friends! Where we are today is a direct reflection in large part to all of you for all of these things!
I'll leave you all with this; something inspired in part by our motto "make every moment count" and in part by something I read recently:
"Life is made up of moments. Some of those moments are fill with joy, some with anger, some with sadness. But, there is always hope that at the end of the day, there would be balance-the light and dark, sorrow and gladness."
My life is indeed made up of many moments and the vast majority of moments of joy! There are very few moments of actual anger, life is just too short for that! And, the moments of sadness as I mentioned are becoming less frequent and less intense. There is (mostly) balance :)
"Make every moment count!"
(((hugs)))
Brenda
So many friends have asked "so, how was it?" Meaning of course, "The Day." June 7. For me, it was a day of memories. Actually, as we near the end of June, I realized I have been immersed in memories. I realized that I have spent a lot of time "reflecting."