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| Flowers and photos on table at Jeff's "Celebration Of Life" |
"Re-run" Warning:
This post is an update of sorts but also a re cap and includes a "re-run".
Many kind friends have commented to me that they thought the service we held for Jeff in our back yard was the perfect tribute for Jeff:) More than a few people, who were not able to attend have said that they wished they could have been here. They have heard about it from others etc. Several mentioned that they wished they could have heard what I, the kids, and the others who spoke said. While I can't re cap what each person said and do them all justice, I did , while recently "cleaning" out some computer files, run into my "Cliff Notes" version of what I wanted to say. I had "Bullet points" of what I wanted to say and have tried my best to fill in the paragraphs from my memory.
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| Weeping Cherry tree |
I also wanted to share a pic of the tree that my Aunties, Uncle and Gram purchased for us in Jeff's memory so you can see how its doing:) At the base of the tree is a "rock" that a dozen or so co workers of Jeff's (they all left the company many years ago and are all employed now at another company) left at the house with a beautiful card, surprising me one night when I got home from work. I had been looking for something special to place at the base of the tree and hadn't found it. This was perfect! (So thoughtful of these guys, it really touched my heart!) 2 Hummingbirds have taken a liking to this tree and frequently rest on it's branches! It is so rare to see a hummingbird ever stop, even briefly and I have watched this pair rest in this tree for several minutes at a time!
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| Perfectly said! |
Here is what I had said:
I spent a lot of time this week thinking about what I would
say today. What could I say that I
haven’t already shared in a Care Page?
What could I tell you that you don’t already know? I could say that Jeff was a hard worker. But you already know that! Jeff worked hard at work and just as hard at
home. I will never be able to do Jeff justice, to be able to accurately convey
just how hard Jeff worked at trying to get well and always with a great
attitude and a sense of humor!
Early on our motto became, “Make Every Moment Count!” We didn’t mean the well planned out, big
production moments. We meant the little
things, finding happiness wherever you can.
Stopping to “smell the roses.”
Than kind of thing. We had often
said, the time we spent in AA was one of the best times we ever had. I know, that sounds crazy but, we spent so
much meaningful time together! We walked
every day. Explored the area. Just
enjoyed each others company. Most recently, we really enjoyed the time Jeff
spent at The Inn. Yes, he was struggling
a lot but, we really did enjoy our time there, the people we met, making new
friends and joking around with the therapists!
We really did Make Every Moment Count no matter where we were or what
the circumstances were.
I could say that Jeff was loyal and devoted. As a husband, a father and an employee. A bit
of a perfectionist (ok, more than a bit!),
fiercely independent and
protective. But again, most of you knew
that too. I could also tell you that
Jeff had a great, tho sometimes odd, sense of humor that served him well even
on his last day with us! There were many
moments that I recall and I’m sure many of Jeff’s co workers have stories about
the practical jokes.
Jeff was also stubborn, but, only when it really
mattered. Many a Dr. had told us that
they believed that trait had served him very over the last 2 ½ years!
Something that may surprise you was that Jeff was very
thoughtful and sensitive and caring!
This wasn’t a side that he allowed many to see. He liked to appear tough but there was
another side, he had a tender heart! I
think Bri will share a sweet *story that all the kids have mentioned this week
and a great memory! As for me, here is
just one example of how thoughtful he was.
This happened more times than I can count over the years. More mornings than I can count, Jeff would call me after he knew I was awake and let me know of some "trouble". A traffic light out, water over the road, a tree down, icy spots etc. He just wanted to warn me and tell me to be careful:) Yes, he was sweet, the
secret is out!
Jeff and I met and married young by today’s standards. He
was my soul mate! We were so lucky! He put up with my eccentricities (that’s a
nice way of saying “weirdness”). When I
wanted to wear a women’s tux to my senior prom instead of a frou frou dress he
simply said, “great, what I am wearing?” (he also wore a tux).
I’m sure what he was really thinking was “what I am getting
into?!?” But, he was always
supportive. Of me, of the kids,
whatever! I’m not positive but, I think
I can only recall Jeff in a tie a few times.
My prom, our wedding and when he was in a friend’s wedding. Jeff would be so happy to see the lack of
ties here today!
Jeff’s dream house was this house. I supported that dream all the way. We always said, “We don’t need a cottage to
get away to when we live in our own paradise!”
Jeff loved to keep busy here, to always have a project. He loved working on the house and yard. In his woodworking shop or down at the wood
pile. Again, he would love that we are doing this here, his favorite place to
be!
The kids and I chose this weekend, Father’s Day weekend, on
purpose. Jeff always planned a big
Father’s Day BBQ. He planned months in
advance what meat to smoke, what rub, mop and injection to use and made them
all himself and even what wood to use!
Then he planned the side dishes. He loved it! To honor Jeff, we chose
Father’s Day weekend to celebrate his life and legacy doing one of his favorite
things in his favorite place! Hog Wild
BBQ generously donated the meat for today and tho the boys wanted to smoke it
in Jeff’s smoker, I felt it might be too much.
Instead, I mixed up a huge batch of one of Jeff’s favorite rubs for
Chase to use and he smoked it at HW. The
pork you eat today is Jeff’s recipe just like it was 2 years ago at his going
away partyJ One last story I’d like to share: I went in search of the rub recipe that Jeff loved to use. I thought I knew which of his cookbooks it was in. When I picked up that cookbook, I held it in my hands and let it fall open to a page near the back. (All good cookbooks fall open to the most used, well loved recipes!) Not the page I was looking for. I shifted my hands and it fell open to a page more near to the front. As it fell open, I spotted a small piece of paper. This piece of paper was actually a card that Bri had made, many, many years ago! On the front it says "Happy Fathers Day Dad" and on the inside, with a big red heart, it says "From Briana". How appropriate that I would find a
Father's Day card tucked into Jeff's cookbook as I looked for a recipe
for Father's Day weekend! I told you he was
sweet &sentimental! And, I felt like Jeff had just put his arm around me
and gave us his Blessing, his approval of this day and what the kids and I
planned! We know how much he would have
enjoyed this and what better way to end this journey than the way began it 2
summers ago. With a big celebration of friends and family gathering in support to enjoy each others company!
Thank you all for your love, Prayers and support! It meant everything to Jeff and our
family! He was constantly amazed by how
many cared about him! Constantly amazed!
Thank you for helping us to celebrate the wonderful man Jeff
was.
And please,
Make Every Moment Count!
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| Bri's card to dad:) |
* Bri shared a story that all the kids had mentioned as being special to them:
Every morning after Jeff had showered and packed his lunch, he would climb the stairs to the kids rooms and check on them. Cover them back up, pick up something that had fallen out of bed and then give them each a kiss goodbye:) He did this every morning that he worked from the time they were born until they left for college! Bri sometimes woke up and went downstairs where Jeff would let her "help" pack his lunch even letting her choose an apple from the fruit bowl to put in his lunchbox. She felt so special:) This small daily act really meant a lot to the kids and clearly has impacted them greatly!
These are just a few of our memories from Jeff's "Celebration of Life" service. That day was very special to me. Jeff was very special to me.
As we move into shorter and cooler days, I find myself not looking forward to autumn as much as I have in the past. Fall has always been my favorite season but I find myself wishing it would stay summer for a bit longer yet. It has occurred to me that, maybe my mind realizes that if the seasons change, time is indeed moving forward in a very tangible way. Moving forward without Jeff by my side. It easy to be fooled, when the weather remains the same, day to day, that time is standing still to some extent. This morning, after writing this but before posting, I read the following in a "day book" called "Healing after Loss": "The ups and downs of "inner weather" are part of my healing." How appropriate to read this after puzzling over this seasonal dilemma all week long! And maybe, what I do not want (seasons to change and time to move forward) is exactly the thing I need most? Jeff may not be by my side but remains very much in my heart and will be no matter the season!
My schedule is changing slightly at work starting near the end of August (a few more hours, yay!) and we will soon be involved in our busiest season there! The boys and I are trying to plan a "day adventure" for late Sept. or Oct. and I continue with projects at the house, sometimes with Chase's help, Thanks Chase! I have some decisions to make yet (Jeff's truck, my SUV and some "banking stuff") and would like to accomplish a few things that Jeff wanted to do. He wanted a new front door and even has the money set aside. We had looked a bit together but, never found what we wanted so, I may continue that quest. Bri and I visited the "Mystery spot" he had long ago written directions to and I have another idea I may try and do that he had wanted to. And so, staying busy helps! Contained in that same passage as mentioned above; "moving on in some productive activity-or some nonproductive activity, for one doesn't always have to be productive!", I have been taking the time to enjoy a cup of coffee or lunch with friends and am so very grateful for those friends!!! (and that, in and of itself, is a productive activity on some level I believe!) Thank you dear friends for you support, kindness and helping me "Make every moment count!"
(((Hugs)))
Brenda
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